My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize