New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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