I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
