Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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