yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize