Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
