Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
