watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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