I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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