remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
