May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
