You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You made out with two different species that night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
