my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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