i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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