just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
