k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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