I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
