I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
