We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
