Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
