i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
