i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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