The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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