There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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