and she was petting her beer can
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
