Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
