tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
