weddingsv make me drug and hornr
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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