You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
