i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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