i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
