I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
