You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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