WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
