Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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