sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
