i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
