dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize