i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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