I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
