Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
