Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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