dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
