Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
