She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize