I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
