Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
