I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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