Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
this is an emotional support booty call
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
