i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize