Screwed.edu
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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