Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
