It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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