Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize