Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
