Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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