he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
