Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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