she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize