How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
