If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
