where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
