I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
