I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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