they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
